Writing Great Sex Scenes
by Denise Felt 2010
For instructional purposes, anatomical terms are used in this essay that are for adults only. Please do not read this essay if you are not an adult.
In order to fully discuss how to write a good sex scene, it’s important to know your audience first. Sex, when written tastefully, tends to be PG-13 or R. Depending on your level of detail, you could write it for teens or adults. When sex is written explicitly (which includes body part names and locations at any given moment), the rating is X. These types of stories are usually categorized as slash or smut (or the politically correct term: adult.)
Let me give you an example. Say Straker and his latest love are having sex. If I wrote:
'Straker caressed her until she melted into his arms.'
that would be PG-13 at the most. If I wrote it:
‘Straker caressed her naked body, making her yearn for the completion his blue eyes promised, melting her in his arms.’
that might tip it over into the R rating. But if I wrote it this way:
'Straker fondled her breasts and clitoris until she exploded in orgasm, melting in his arms.'
that would be X. In the end, it's not what you say that makes a scene X. It's how you say it. It's all in the details you either hint at or share openly. In a recent story of mine, I wrote this scene:
‘Swiftly he maneuvered himself so that he sat beneath her on the chair, and she was in his lap. He didn’t cease his bombardment of her senses for several minutes, utilizing mouth, tongue, and hands in an effort to cloud her thoughts. He was quite successful; but then, he usually was when it came to handling a woman. He’d spent years perfecting his technique, after all.’
This scene could be read by any teen without traumatizing them. But an adult reading it would be capable of filling in all the details for themselves, getting a fuller picture of the foreplay that is actually going on. This careful manipulation of detail is one of the key ways to successfully write about sex for an audience that includes both teens and adults.
But if you’re writing for adults only, then every great once in a while, it’s possible to blur the lines between tasteful sex and smut. I believe that it takes a writer with experience writing about sex to be able to pull such a blurring off, since it requires careful phrasing and non-explicit terminology to do well. I once wrote this in a scene:
‘Her release slammed through her, leaving her shaking and sobbing his name. He gently kissed the tears from her cheeks, then held her gaze as he slid inside her.
"Ed!" she breathed on a luxurious sigh.
"Ah, God!" He quivered there, prolonging the moment – then he began to move, undone by her fire, torn to shreds by the passion she ripped out of him. Her wet heat engulfed him, burned him, caressed him to the point of insanity. Soon he was plunging madly, lost in her, and completely unaware of his surroundings.
She screamed his name, her short nails digging into his back as she arched one last time before collapsing under him, shuddering convulsively.
"I’m yours! I’m – !" The groan tore out from deep inside his chest as his release surged through him, flinging him briefly into a place full of light and sound before leaving him gasping and gathering her close, trembling and shaken.’
Yes, it’s a scene about intercourse and is therefore categorized under the heading of adult literature. Definitely not for teens. But it’s written so tastefully that it goes far beyond slash or smut, which is where most adult writing stays. Instead, it borders on art. This is what I believe every writer should wish to attain in their writing – the level of art. Please note that not once is an explicit body part named. However, it’s quite easy to follow the action without using the terms that would turn this scene into just another smut scene.
Nudity in and of itself is not considered X. It's all in how you describe it. I often write about nudity in my stories, but no one would call them X. In 'The Rescue Mission' I wrote these lines:
‘She frowned, noticing that he was wearing clothes. "Excuse me, but why don’t I get to be clothed?"
He ran a hand slowly down her back, causing her to arch against him. His grin was truly wicked. "Because it’s my dream."’
This passage would never be considered X, even though it involves nudity. However, if I had written the same scene and included details of her anatomy that are sexual in nature (i.e. breasts, vulva, clitoris, pubic hair), that would have made the scene X.
Now that it’s clear why description is the key to a good sex scene, it’s necessary to turn to content. Certain acts -- when described in any detail at all, no matter what words are used! -- are considered X. Naturally, describing the act of intercourse itself (any position) makes the scene X-rated. Some foreplay is also considered X. Oral sex such as the blow job Dragon included in her Skulls story is one of those acts. I might also mention licking a woman's pubic area would also be construed as one of those acts, although most writers don't bother writing about this. (Which is a shame!) On a broader scale, any homosexual act (male or female), any violent sex, any rape (there's a difference!), any incest, or any sex with a child or animal is also considered X. Any threesome or group orgy is also considered X. And the list can continue as long as your imagination holds out.
Having said that, it is sometimes possible to break the rules and still leave your story with a PG-13 or R rating. How? Well, once more, it’s all about what you don’t say. In ‘Unsynchronized’ I wrote this scene:
‘"No, Ed. I’m determined to reach my goal tonight."
He bit back a moan and said, "Which goal is that, Sheila?"
Her tongue flicked out, and he jerked as she licked a spot on his chest. "My goal to kiss every inch of your body."
"Sheila." All the tension of the past several minutes shifted into passion at those words.
"Hmmm," she said as she kissed her way down his chest. "I don’t know how it is, Ed, but I always seem to get sidetracked before I get all of you covered." Her eyes twinkled up at him for a moment. "Why do you think that is?"
"I don’t know." He was finding it difficult to breathe, and his hands kneaded her shoulders involuntarily.
She chuckled softly. "Well, this time I think I might just do it." She glanced up at her husband after a few minutes to see that his eyes were nearly closed, their deep blue clouded with passion. There was no sign of the haunted expression he had worn earlier, and she laughed in triumph, kissing his navel.
He shuddered and pulled her up to kiss her grinning mouth.’
Teens reading this scene would merely see the couple enjoying each other’s bodies. But an adult would see much more. Simply by stating where her mouth is at key points in the narrative, it’s possible to infer what she is doing to her husband during those ‘few minutes.’ Of course, some teens might be quick enough to catch it. And some adults might miss it altogether. But the way it’s written is tasteful enough for R while including elements of oral sex that normally belong in X.
In the end, it's important to remember the mood you're trying to create. Explicit sex scenes make the reader feel lustful and itchy for a hot bout of sex themselves. Intimate love scenes decorously described, on the other hand, make the reader wish for a tender hour with the lover of their choice. It's all about mood. What do you want your reader to feel?
(Oh, and if you can't tell the difference between lust and tenderness, I can't help you. Maybe a psychologist can.)
Raunchy sex scenes have their uses, but they tend to mark their writer in a way that may not be how they wish to be known. Just ask those who’ve written them and experienced the fallout from their readers. Experienced writers know that a tasteful sex scene, decorously written, can transform a good story into a must-read. Ask Nora Roberts of bestseller fame if you doubt me.
If you like sex and want to write more than the basic 'they made love' in your stories, search for ways to say more while still saying very little. As I’ve shown, it’s possible to even write about oral sex in your stories -- with no repercussions. How? Merely by properly manipulating your word choices. When writing tasteful sex, less is more. The less you say, the more the reader can imagine . . . and no one is censuring their thoughts.
For instructional purposes, anatomical terms are used in this essay that are for adults only. Please do not read this essay if you are not an adult.
In order to fully discuss how to write a good sex scene, it’s important to know your audience first. Sex, when written tastefully, tends to be PG-13 or R. Depending on your level of detail, you could write it for teens or adults. When sex is written explicitly (which includes body part names and locations at any given moment), the rating is X. These types of stories are usually categorized as slash or smut (or the politically correct term: adult.)
Let me give you an example. Say Straker and his latest love are having sex. If I wrote:
'Straker caressed her until she melted into his arms.'
that would be PG-13 at the most. If I wrote it:
‘Straker caressed her naked body, making her yearn for the completion his blue eyes promised, melting her in his arms.’
that might tip it over into the R rating. But if I wrote it this way:
'Straker fondled her breasts and clitoris until she exploded in orgasm, melting in his arms.'
that would be X. In the end, it's not what you say that makes a scene X. It's how you say it. It's all in the details you either hint at or share openly. In a recent story of mine, I wrote this scene:
‘Swiftly he maneuvered himself so that he sat beneath her on the chair, and she was in his lap. He didn’t cease his bombardment of her senses for several minutes, utilizing mouth, tongue, and hands in an effort to cloud her thoughts. He was quite successful; but then, he usually was when it came to handling a woman. He’d spent years perfecting his technique, after all.’
This scene could be read by any teen without traumatizing them. But an adult reading it would be capable of filling in all the details for themselves, getting a fuller picture of the foreplay that is actually going on. This careful manipulation of detail is one of the key ways to successfully write about sex for an audience that includes both teens and adults.
But if you’re writing for adults only, then every great once in a while, it’s possible to blur the lines between tasteful sex and smut. I believe that it takes a writer with experience writing about sex to be able to pull such a blurring off, since it requires careful phrasing and non-explicit terminology to do well. I once wrote this in a scene:
‘Her release slammed through her, leaving her shaking and sobbing his name. He gently kissed the tears from her cheeks, then held her gaze as he slid inside her.
"Ed!" she breathed on a luxurious sigh.
"Ah, God!" He quivered there, prolonging the moment – then he began to move, undone by her fire, torn to shreds by the passion she ripped out of him. Her wet heat engulfed him, burned him, caressed him to the point of insanity. Soon he was plunging madly, lost in her, and completely unaware of his surroundings.
She screamed his name, her short nails digging into his back as she arched one last time before collapsing under him, shuddering convulsively.
"I’m yours! I’m – !" The groan tore out from deep inside his chest as his release surged through him, flinging him briefly into a place full of light and sound before leaving him gasping and gathering her close, trembling and shaken.’
Yes, it’s a scene about intercourse and is therefore categorized under the heading of adult literature. Definitely not for teens. But it’s written so tastefully that it goes far beyond slash or smut, which is where most adult writing stays. Instead, it borders on art. This is what I believe every writer should wish to attain in their writing – the level of art. Please note that not once is an explicit body part named. However, it’s quite easy to follow the action without using the terms that would turn this scene into just another smut scene.
Nudity in and of itself is not considered X. It's all in how you describe it. I often write about nudity in my stories, but no one would call them X. In 'The Rescue Mission' I wrote these lines:
‘She frowned, noticing that he was wearing clothes. "Excuse me, but why don’t I get to be clothed?"
He ran a hand slowly down her back, causing her to arch against him. His grin was truly wicked. "Because it’s my dream."’
This passage would never be considered X, even though it involves nudity. However, if I had written the same scene and included details of her anatomy that are sexual in nature (i.e. breasts, vulva, clitoris, pubic hair), that would have made the scene X.
Now that it’s clear why description is the key to a good sex scene, it’s necessary to turn to content. Certain acts -- when described in any detail at all, no matter what words are used! -- are considered X. Naturally, describing the act of intercourse itself (any position) makes the scene X-rated. Some foreplay is also considered X. Oral sex such as the blow job Dragon included in her Skulls story is one of those acts. I might also mention licking a woman's pubic area would also be construed as one of those acts, although most writers don't bother writing about this. (Which is a shame!) On a broader scale, any homosexual act (male or female), any violent sex, any rape (there's a difference!), any incest, or any sex with a child or animal is also considered X. Any threesome or group orgy is also considered X. And the list can continue as long as your imagination holds out.
Having said that, it is sometimes possible to break the rules and still leave your story with a PG-13 or R rating. How? Well, once more, it’s all about what you don’t say. In ‘Unsynchronized’ I wrote this scene:
‘"No, Ed. I’m determined to reach my goal tonight."
He bit back a moan and said, "Which goal is that, Sheila?"
Her tongue flicked out, and he jerked as she licked a spot on his chest. "My goal to kiss every inch of your body."
"Sheila." All the tension of the past several minutes shifted into passion at those words.
"Hmmm," she said as she kissed her way down his chest. "I don’t know how it is, Ed, but I always seem to get sidetracked before I get all of you covered." Her eyes twinkled up at him for a moment. "Why do you think that is?"
"I don’t know." He was finding it difficult to breathe, and his hands kneaded her shoulders involuntarily.
She chuckled softly. "Well, this time I think I might just do it." She glanced up at her husband after a few minutes to see that his eyes were nearly closed, their deep blue clouded with passion. There was no sign of the haunted expression he had worn earlier, and she laughed in triumph, kissing his navel.
He shuddered and pulled her up to kiss her grinning mouth.’
Teens reading this scene would merely see the couple enjoying each other’s bodies. But an adult would see much more. Simply by stating where her mouth is at key points in the narrative, it’s possible to infer what she is doing to her husband during those ‘few minutes.’ Of course, some teens might be quick enough to catch it. And some adults might miss it altogether. But the way it’s written is tasteful enough for R while including elements of oral sex that normally belong in X.
In the end, it's important to remember the mood you're trying to create. Explicit sex scenes make the reader feel lustful and itchy for a hot bout of sex themselves. Intimate love scenes decorously described, on the other hand, make the reader wish for a tender hour with the lover of their choice. It's all about mood. What do you want your reader to feel?
(Oh, and if you can't tell the difference between lust and tenderness, I can't help you. Maybe a psychologist can.)
Raunchy sex scenes have their uses, but they tend to mark their writer in a way that may not be how they wish to be known. Just ask those who’ve written them and experienced the fallout from their readers. Experienced writers know that a tasteful sex scene, decorously written, can transform a good story into a must-read. Ask Nora Roberts of bestseller fame if you doubt me.
If you like sex and want to write more than the basic 'they made love' in your stories, search for ways to say more while still saying very little. As I’ve shown, it’s possible to even write about oral sex in your stories -- with no repercussions. How? Merely by properly manipulating your word choices. When writing tasteful sex, less is more. The less you say, the more the reader can imagine . . . and no one is censuring their thoughts.